A woman’s healing journey in tango

by Mariella Mattia

I decided to learn Tango 2 years ago.
Why?

I was born in Italy, Rome, but I live in Sydney, Australia for the last 40 years.

I have always been a dance lover since my teenage years. Disco dance to be exact.
Never learned any technique, just free style.

Only through dance I felt the freedom of expressing a part of me that words never did.

I am in my sixties now. Happy to be. I am the best version of myself at the moment, but still on a journey of improvement.
I am a mother of 3 adult children.
Divorced and single by choice for 15 years, after a 25 years long toxic marriage that lasted too long and brought me pain, traumas, and deep wounds.

Of course, after all this,  I built walls around me to protect me from men.
I was afraid to trust again, of being vulnerable around men.

I realized I needed to break through these walls that didn’t serve me any more.

I have been in a self healing journey ever since, intentionally single, changing my environment, learning and practicing self love, exploring the potential in me and rediscovering a new me.

And on that journey, what better companion could I find than Tango?

I decided to try a class around 2 years ago.
Dancing that close to a guy was already a huge challenge for me!
But I was committed for the love of dance and the challenge.
No matter how hard it’d be, I would not quit.

I went through really embarrassing moments! Especially feeling other people energies was a challenge in itself.
Oh yes! Despite blushing at times while dancing, and being too conscious about the space at first, over time I got used to dancing closer and closer to my partners. A moment arrived that I was finally completely OK with it!! Oh my my!!

I thought that when I signed up for Tango I would learn technique and a different dance.
But tango has taught me instead more about my self than any other therapy session.

I realized that I cannot create a good dance with my partner by focusing just on technique. I had to connect with my soul as well and allow for my vulnerability to be seen, and be ok with it. I had to allow the honest and imperfect me to express while feeling the music, and being a co-creator with my dance partner of a unique work of art on the dance floor, different every single time.

So beautiful were the moments when I was dancing with a partner that allowed me to do that, being on the same wave, feeling the music, expressing his emotions as well.

I was finally able to feel the agony of a piece of music and express it on the floor, together with the passion and pain; I was able to let my emotions be expressed without any fear.

Now, one of the things I enjoy most is observing dancers on the dance floor, and capture those ones that are dancing with harmony, together as one, doing very little; so beautiful to watch.

So much I could say about what Tango has taught me…
There is one thing I am certain about though.
I am committed to know more about it.
Feel more.
Express more.

There is a limited amount of words in the dictionary to describe what I experience. Maybe that is because certain experiences are meant to be felt only, and destined to remain a mystery, like a miracle; a personal magic experience that enables our inner creativity to express and become alive on the dance floor.

Our goal is to create a megaphone for the voices of social tango dancers around the world. Would you like to share on this blog some tango thoughts that can help others on their tango journey? Let me know here. If you don't have Facebook, you can send an email here.